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Monday, 29 December 2003 |
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Alas, I scampered up to the wrong side of the building. The exit. I had never noticed it before, but Toys R Us has only one entrance. And a slim one at that. It is underneath a giant, and I mean giant star with Geoffrey Giraffe waving. That star could kill someone if bonked appropriately. So I cautiously scampered over to the middle of the building, shivering, took one look at that neon monstrosity, and rushed inside.
Whoa! And I almost fell on my ass from the sopping wet floor. How many more near-accident experiences would I meet before pressing on? Ah, finally the warm heat of the air vents the slide of the automatic door, and blast! Shimmer! Glow! The store hosted a ridiculously bright light, dizzying me with overwhelming colors and larger-than- life toys. I squinted to find my desired path in the blazing neon light. Are kids’ eyes this susceptible to artificial illumination? God, I hope not.
This Toys R Us had been remodeled, and aside from the blinding light, the store appeared less grand and awe inspiring than from years before. I remember back in the day, a warehouse type toys r us, with towering metal shelves holding dolls and board games up to the rafters. Now everything was at eye level. Probably easier for kids to grab.
I turned to the right and perused the holiday aisle. I had never seen so much plastic in my life. Enough to certainly keep the oil companies in business. Maybe George W. has some stock in Toys R Us… hmm… anyway, I saw quite possibly every cartoon and movie character possible with their own Christmas line. Stockings, cards, poseable figures. And the stuffed animals! Large enough to smother your kitten or maybe even child? Dangerous puff stuff. And this aisle needed some serious damage control. The way the Hokey Pokey Elmos were thrown around, you’d think that a mob of rhinos had struck. I cautiously peered around me for any stragglers.
The electronics areas seemed simpler… but not. Buzzing electricity, or the capacity for it, filled the aisle. It’s surprising that children do not come with batteries nowadays. Whatever happened to simple toys such as building blocks or board games? With actual boards and not a computer screen!
And speaking of board games, I found 800 varieties of Monopoly with no sign of the original. And Mouse Trap didn’t even look like the Mouse Trap of old. The cover featured swirly designs of crazy mice pandemonium. Ah, popomatic Trouble. Wait a minute, maybe we should all just forget the board games. Popomatic Trouble can’t compare to the trouble seen when a child loses.
I decided to try to find the old staple, the teddy bear. Instead, I was led to an aisle of robotic, talking toys. Toys that wiggled and cried and sang and jumped. I must admit, I did enjoy the resurrection of Care Bears that the store boasted, but one look at the 40 Scooby Doos dancing and barking and eye rolling was like a bit of a bad trip. The toys’ beady eyes stared at me as if they were on attack, repeating the same phrases over and over, just dying to get out! And the 80 varieties of that screechy-voiced Elmo did nothing for me. Limbo Elmo, Sunny Day Elmo, Chicken Dance Elmo… If I saw one more red poof, I was going to scream. I was alone in the aisle, so I quickly sped over to the next. Creep out? Yes, I think so.
I turned, panting to find the Barbie aisle and what seemed to be sectioned as the girls section with the three staples: dress up, Barbies, and Easy Bake Ovens. Ah, the Barbie aisle. What could be more comforting than a sea of pepto bismal pink? At least less threatening than the Elmo red. And Barbie was familiar, an old favorite. Something could definitely be found here.
Ok, so Mattel has made strides to be politically correct, but the only Barbies I could find did not include Astronauts or Teachers like the cover-ups of old, but princesses. Mostly princesses. Mattel did its best to be pc with the princesses of the world collection. I saw a Princess of the Danish Court, Portuguese Empire, Ireland, and South Africa. Hmm. I’m surprised in this day and age, Mattel is still pushing the princess card. Hey, why slave at a cubicle all day when you can marry Prince William? And a giant princess of My Size Barbie? What three-foot tall four-year-old child wouldn’t be scared of that? I know that I was a bit miffed when My Size Barbie had bigger breasts than me.
And here we are. The newest fashions for Ken as well. The Fab 5 would be proud.
Dress up clothes followed the same theme as Barbie. Little girls can be whatever they want: a fairy, a princess, a ballerina, and even a mermaid. But what about little power suits for the Condi Rices and future Oprahs? Those fashions seem to be highly underplayed.
The play car section frightened me as a Barbie VW bug had a larger value than my own car. As my junker is valued at just $300,maybe it's time for me to trade it in for a Kawasaki mini-cycle or a brand new Jeep.
And the next turn unveiled the boys section. Mini cars and trucks, swords, and action figures the staple here. I must admit I did fall in love with an $80 electric Mini Cooper, twice the size of my dog and probably capable of going 30 mph on linoleum. Look out, family pet.
But what about those little boys that are somewhat… hmm, sensitive polo wearing fellows. What do they play with instead of fire trucks? Audis? Hey, parents should never deny honesty with their children.
Loud shots of gunfire rang out from the aisle next to me, and well, just adhering to this day and age, I jumped and ducked for cover. Slowly, I surfaced to find a toy machine gun. Hey, sadly, you can never be too sure.
As I neared the end of my trip, I started feeling sick from all the bright colors. It would be a relief to go back into the gray blizzard and go home to slip into my gray sweat suit. Now I know what old feels like.
On my way out, half walking half running, I noticed that the aisles were extra long and were not only filled with candy, but little trinkets of all kinds. Surely, that has antagonized some screamers.
The lack of children in the store was a disappointment, but understandable during the Christmas season. But possibly the store could be more adult-friendly since they’re the ones usually shelling out the dough. Maybe a coffee bar or massage parlor perhaps? God, you’d need one after stepping into that circus.
So did I find gifts for the little ones? Sadly, no. Call me old fashioned, but I decided on giving books for Christmas. Classics, such as Beverly Cleary and Curious George can’t hold a candle to Disney’s flavor-of-the-month action figure. I know that some people groan and say, it’s Christmas, give the kids something fun, but after an encounter with the mega Toyland Toys R Us, I prefer the old person bookstore any day. But I could have walked away with one gem. The best toy in the store worth battling for? The ZZ Top Dancing Hamster. | Add as favourites (21) | Quote this article on your site | Views: 946 |
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Monday, 29 December 2003 |
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Safety, Foley said, is his number one priority. "It's my job to make sure that the firefighters are taken care of, that they go home safely every day, and that they're properly compensated for the work that they do."
Foley expressed concern that Mayor Anthony Masiello and the Buffalo Fiscal Stability Authority are cutting the fire department’s budget hastily and without regard to safety. One example of an imprudent cut had to do with the elimination of two companies that specialized in taking care of hazardous materials. "So we no longer have a very good unified haz mat team. They put the cart before the horse. They closed the company, and now, they're starting to train."
Training is a imperative, Foley said. "Small mistakes mean somebody's life."
Another company to be closed specializes in heavy rescue. "The company gets suited up and will go right into the hot zone (in haz mat incidents)," Foley explained. This is the company that has the most up-to-date “jaws of life,” used when people are trapped in disabled automobiles.
Without the haz mat and rescue units, city residents are in jeopardy, Foley said. "Our capacity to address any possible haz mat incident that occurs within the city has been diminished. With the mayor's plan, we won't be able to respond to any of those incidents."
In addition to the obvious hazards that are addressed by the haz mat unit, such as the derailment of a train carrying toxic waste, danger also lurks in the form of conflagrations. Buffalo, a city with older wooden houses, built close to one another, experiences more fires per capita than in any other city in New York State. Buffalo’s approach of fighting fires with quick attack and quick search and rescue has been successful, Foley said. But, with fire companies closing regularly, the manpower will no longer be available for that labor-intensive approach. "We will have to get the fires according to regulations and state law. We'll have to wait outside for a couple of minutes until another company arrives and allows us to do our job. It's what the mayor wants, and it's what the mayor is going to get."
The result could be more loss of life and property. It takes just 45 seconds for a room to be completely engulfed in flames, Foley said. In a minute and a half, two rooms could be fully on fire, and the fire could be "compounded down the hallway." And fire could spread to neighboring houses.
All of this is unnecessary, Foley said, explaining that the firefighters association had been working with the city on cost-cutting measures since February 2003. The firefighters had also been working closely with the Mark Morse Agency of Boston, the consultant hired by the city to do a study to determine how best to re-engineer the fire department. "We're about eight percent of the budget. We're willing to reduce the size of the fire department, the structure, and how we do things," Foley said. But, when the BFSA was put into place in June 2003, the city stopped talking to the firefighters. If the city had followed through with the abandoned negotiations, it could have saved one million dollars from a $53 million fire department budget, and the cuts would have been safe and prudent, Foley said. Nevertheless, he pointed out, until just a few weeks ago, the firefighters continued to participate in a task force that worked on re-engineering the Buffalo Fire Department.
"As soon as they closed the firehouses without consulting with us as to how we could best protect the firefighters through these closings, they drew a line in the sand and said right to my face, we don't care about you, the men that you represent, or the lives of their families," Foley said. When that happened, the firefighters association chose to walk away from the task force.
Foley criticized Masiello for failing to support the firefighters. "I don't understand why the mayor won't stand up and protect at least the people who work for this city. He is afraid of the control board. They berate him anyhow. He has nothing to lose."
City residents will have to take basic precautions to ensure their own safety, Foley said. He offered several suggestions. "Keep a garden hose handy, install some more smoke detectors, check the batteries more often. I would go with the children and teach them how to get out of a second- or third-story window with no safety net."
The situation is bleak, Foley said. He is concerned about the firefighters who are to be laid off in March. "What really bothers me a lot is that there are people who are going to be laid off in March who are, today, risking their lives for the people in the city, knowing that, in a few months, they will not have a job."
Foley added, "We still make house calls, 24 hours a day. On Christmas Eve, we'll be there if they need our help." They will be there for people who make such fire-prone mistakes as placing lit candles too close to the curtains.
Yet, the firefighters are out there, daily, risking their lives because that job is more than just a job to them. Being a firefighter is a calling, a vocation," Foley said. “It’s a career.”
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Monday, 29 December 2003 |
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That didn’t happen. The “great bridge debate” did little to improve the local economy, but it has resumed and, this time, it is revolving around privatization.
Daniel Patrick Moynihan, God rest his soul, encouraged us all to dream of a better bridge, and now those dreams of grandeur may be turning into a bit of a nightmare. The better bridge, if it’s ever built, may wind up not belonging to the public, because, as the saying goes, business does it better.
In the case of the Peace Bridge, the name of that business is the Detroit International Bridge Company, a private company that owns the Ambassador Bridge between Detroit and Windsor, Ont., and is getting aggressive in its bid to take over Buffalo’s gateway to Canada. Representing the company locally is former Moynihan staffer James B. Kane. Mere coincidence? We think not.
Alt reported four years ago (when the Peace Bridge “conversation” was at its loudest), that Warren Buffett, chairman of The Buffalo News, had held as much as quarter of that company at one point, raising ethical questions about why that newspaper was advocating delay of the Peace Bridge Authority’s plans at seemingly every opportunity.
The defeat of the Peace Bridge Authority’s environmental impact study that effectively forced the process to start all over again, may not be the victory that Signature Span proponents were envisioning, however. Failure to expand capacity at the Buffalo border crossing has not generated enthusiasm for a dream bridge. It has merely served to increase traffic at other border crossings, such as the Ambassador Bridge.
Now, in the current domestic security state of George W. Bush, the delays created by idealists and editors may result in the privatization of the Peace Bridge by backroom politics.
Panic In Detroit?
One of the most influential Signature Span advocates, Bruce Jackson, formerly of Artvoice, acknowledged the seriousness of the Detroit company’s efforts in early 2001. “If they’re poised to pour a huge amount of money into a war with the Public Bridge Authority,” Jackson wrote, “it’s because they expect to be able to take a much huger amount of money out of here.”
The events of September 11th and their political aftermath have greatly altered the equation at the Peace Bridge. It may be politically unrealistic to expect government support for a dramatic signature span, and, if enough political leverage is applied, it may also become politically unrealistic to expect federal support for the Peace Bridge.
In addition, the Detroit International Bridge Company is seeking to expand border operations here in anticipation of something entirely new to the company, competition.
Two investor groups are seeking to tap into the Detroit-Windsor corridor, one with an express truck tunnel and the other with a bridge crossing just three miles down river from the Ambassador Bridge.
Building a truck bridge over the Niagara River and taking over the operations of the Peace Bridge Authority would recreate the virtual monopoly environment that the Company currently enjoys.
Buffett and The Toll Bridge
At the time that Warren Buffett was embroiled in the controversy surrounding his newly acquired Buffalo News and its successful attempt to bury the Courier Express, his partner Charles Munger and their budding business empire (which became Berkshire Hathaway) had acquired a quarter of the Detroit International Bridge Company with the intent to gain controlling interest in the bridge.
Former Wall Street Journal reporter Roger Lowenstein’s best seller Warren Buffett, The Making of an American Capitalist documented Buffett’s monopolist vision at the time:
“‘Warren likens owning a monopoly or market-dominant newspaper to owning an unregulated toll bridge. You have the relative freedom to increase rates when and as much as you want.’”
“The quote was from Sandy Gottesman, Buffett’s friend at First Manhattan. Buffett tried to dance around it, but the toll-bridge metaphor was just too good. Everyone knew where it came from.”
Lowenstein then goes on to cite Buffett’s testimony on the stand in a lawsuit brought against The News by The Courier: Frederick Furth was the attorney representing the plaintiffs.
“Furth: What you are saying is that owning a monopoly or market-dominant paper in a small community is like owning an unregulated toll bridge; is that right?
Buffett: I won’t quarrel with that characterization. It is a very, very good business.
Furth: Because you can raise rates as much as you want, isn’t that true?
Buffett: I wouldn’t put it quite that strongly, but you have the power to raise rates.
Furth: That is the kind of business you like to own; isn’t that true?
Buffett: I don’t own any, but I would like to own one.
Furth: Now, sir, you have used that word, unregulated toll bridge, with others, haven’t
you? Isn’t that one of your phrases?
Buffett: I have said that in an inflationary world that a toll bridge would be a great thing to own if it was unregulated.
Furth: Why?
Buffett: Because you have laid out the capital costs. You build the bridge in old dollars, and you don’t have to keep replacing it.
Furth: And you used the term unregulated so that you can raise prices; is that right?
Buffett: That is true.”
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That Was Then, This Is Now…
Judging from his testimony, in The Buffalo News trial and his actions since then, Buffett finds monopolies – even ones that hold communities hostage – to be “very, very good business.”
Buffett has been in the spotlight recently, primarily, because of his role in the Arnold Schwarzenneger coup in California. While that may have surprised Democrats, many right-wingers instantly hatched a Kennedy conspiracy theory. As reported here,
Buffett’s involvement is more likely explained by his expanding business interests in California, notably in real estate and power generation.
Interestingly, Buffett’s name was also mentioned recently in an article in The New Yorker by Ken Auletta in connection with the possible purchase of The Wall Street Journal – the bible of American business.
In addition, Berkshire flagship, GEICO insurance, announced that it will open a 3,000 seat call center in Amherst. This marks the most significant investment made in Western New York by Buffett interests since the acquisition of its stake in M&T Bank. This comes one year after the Rigas scandal blew up in the face of The Buffalo News, which staunchly supported the Rigas family.
Is Buffett the living legend of humble Middle American success, or is there a darker side to his drive to become the second wealthiest human on the planet? With the creation of the same amount of jobs promised by the Rigases, many here are likely to believe only the kindly, Yogi Berra-like legend that Buffett has cultivated so brilliantly..
The Moroun Family Business: From Jimmy Hoffa to Berkshire Hathaway
A recent article by John Lippert for Bloomberg News shed light on the Moroun family, which currently controls the Detroit International Bridge Company. Lippert outlined the story of the family patriarch, a Lebanese immigrant named Tufick Moroun who built his family’s empire by helping Jimmy Hoffa build up the Teamsters. His trucking company, Central Cartage, evolved into present day trucking giant, Centra, which, along with the Ambassador Bridge, is part of an impressive, diverse portfolio of holdings.
According to Lippert, Tufick’s son and current patriarch, Manuel Moroun wound up outbidding Buffett & Co. for the bridge company. The article also quoted Charlie Munger who expressed admiration for Moroun and mentioned that he had seen him at a Berkshire Hathaway shareholder meeting. So it remains unclear exactly what sort of relationship, if any, that Moroun maintains with Berkshire and Buffett. The point is that The Buffalo News has never mentioned Buffett’s previous holdings in Moroun’s company despite the publication of literally hundreds of articles on the subject of Peace Bridge expansion.
Matthew Moroun, grandson and heir to the family fortune, recently gave a speech calling for a total overhaul of U.S. Customs, citing, not surprisingly, September 11th and the war on terrorism as a justification. “My organization operates the busiest border crossing in terms of trade in the United States,” Moroun boasted, “It was built in the 1920s as the longest suspension bridge ever at the time. At that time, and until the advent of terrorism in our country, a bridge’s success could be assured by successfully engineering and construction of the physical infrastructure alone. Now satisfying those requirements alone doesn’t even get a passing grade.”
Clearly, the country would be lost without a product of inherited wealth, such as Moroun, to “manage” international trade and direct U.S. Customs on how to do its job.
Moroun went on to state that Customs needs to do more than simply collect revenue. Interestingly, Moroun’s organization itself has done much to avoid providing revenue to the American government itself. The Detroit International Bridge Company which also owns Ammex, the duty free shop at the Ambassador, waged an intense battle for its “right” to sell tax-free gasoline at the duty-free shop.
The tax-free gas at Ammex story provides yet another example of free trade in action. Moroun and his father went to the International Trade Court for the okay on tax avoidance, and they sold the gas until the federal government finally shut them down. Naturally, this exercise in globalism did not sit well with other gas station owners. An article from the Minnesota Service Station Association website underlined the frustration with the Moroun family business model:
“The National Association of Truck Stop Operators estimates that Ammex’s tax-free sales have so far cost the U.S. road-building fund from $2.7 to $3.7 million dollars, and has forced at least one nearby truck stop out of business. An estimated 15 million vehicles cross the bridge each year, says NATSO CEO Dewey Clower.
"‘It is outrageous that this one business can deprive the highway trust fund of such significant revenues,’ said Clower. ‘Since this (duty-free) loophole was created…(Ammex) has been selling fuel at its location cheaper than our members can obtain it at the terminal rack. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that our members cannot stay in business for long under such a scenario.’”
Peace Through Privatization
It also doesn’t take a genius to realize that monopoly businesses are not about operating in the host community’s best interest; they are about raising rates arbitrarily as Mr. Buffett pointed out some twenty odd years ago.
Whether or not the Detroit International Bridge Company is able to take control of our international border crossing or not, their presence has already been felt. As our government pushes privatization in the newly liberated Iraq, it should come as no surprise that an equally radical and ambitious plan should be presented to us here in Western New York.
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Monday, 29 December 2003 |
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Alt: So they haven't really discussed it with you?
Lamb: Not really. I've had discussions with them, and they've talked about wanting to be a party to the operations – of anything they would invest in, and I guess that makes a lot of sense. I don't like looking at a question out of context without looking at the entire plan. I don't know what that is. My criticism, if you want to call it that, is that we don't have any details as to what the Ambassador Bridge has in mind.
Alt: The subtext of the LaKamp article seemed to be that you (the Peace Bridge Authority) might not be able to get the federal funding for bridge expansion, which would leave the Detroit International Bridge Company in the driver's seat, wouldn't it? Do you think that they're lobbying to cut off your funding?
Lamb: I don't have any evidence that that's occurring. I doubt that lobbying to cut off our funding would be effective. I don't know any responsible people who are in a position to make decisions about funding who would decide not to fund our project just because of...
Alt: ... lobbying to benefit the company?
Lamb: Right.
Alt: Well, the bridge company does have a history of making donations to political campaigns. Another thing we'd like to touch upon is the involvement of Warren Buffett who did about a quarter of the Detroit International Bridge Company at one point. Do you know if he's involved with any sort of business relationship with the Moroun family or the bridge?
Lamb: I have no idea. I don't think so.
Alt: Don't you think that The Buffalo News has a responsibility to report that and make that clear?
Lamb: You mean that Warren Buffett held shares in the bridge?
Alt: Right.
Lamb: I don't know that I could comment on what The Buffalo News' responsibilities are but I have no knowledge that would indicate that there' s even a probability that Warren Buffett has an interest in the Ambassador Bridge.
Alt: According to an article in the Bloomberg News, they indicated that Buffett sold his shares but it seems likely that Moroun holds shares in Berkshire Hathaway, since it mentioned his attendance at a shareholders meeting. So perhaps there still is a relationship.
Lamb: Could be. But in terms of financing, my own personal view is that there will be a financing plan that will be feasible and that will enable the Peace Bridge to go ahead with this project.
Alt: So you're still confident that you will be able to go ahead with your project.
Lamb: Sure. The key to this whole thing is that our plan makes sense. It's a reasonable plan, one that the city and the public will support, and I think that's the key to what's going to enable to finance this project. Our plan is reasonable. It meets the needs that we have here and it has the city support, the Town of Fort Erie's support, and the Canadian government's support. If we have that, then we'll have a project that we can build.
Alt: Right, when we last spoke with Fort Erie Mayor Wayne Redekop, he was not supportive of the Detroit International Bridge Company's plans, at all. Having a private family run business basically own an international trade corridor is a bit uncalled for to him. What do you think?
Lamb: Well, people will raise the question of monopoly. I think that it's a legitimate question that needs to be answered. They have the bridge in Detroit, and then if they were to have the bridge here, I think that it would raise a question that the public would need to hear the answer to.
Alt: Opponents of the Peace Bridge Authority waged a public relations campaign that seems to have lingering effects. How is the public hearing process coming along now?
Lamb: I think it's good. I think we're approaching the concerns of the public. You'll never get a one hundred percent rating, but I think that the majority of the people see this as a legitimate, responsive process. We've got an open, defined, and very transparent process. The Ambassador Bridge has talked about doing this but we haven't seen the details and it seems to be in contrast to what we're doing. We're showing details as we're putting them together and formulating them and there's always a risk in doing that. People see these things as being in their final form and they're not. We're giving people a chance to participate in the final form.
Alt: Arguments on the aesthetics of a public space generally seem to be arguments about power. Aesthetically, do you think a plan that will be acceptable to those who were arguing for a signature span?
Lamb: First of all, we're not looking at building a twin or replica of the existing bridge. We're looking at building something that, when people look at it, they'll get excited about it and say “Wow.” People will be able to attach this place with the bridge. We want to build a landmark bridge, one that people will remember seeing when they pass by, and people who live here will be proud of it.
Alt: Does that mean that it will be a cable-stayed bridge? It seemed like a lot of Signature Span people were sort of locked into that sort of look.
Lamb: We're not looking to force any one type of bridge. I think it will come out in the process, the one that's most aesthetically pleasing to people.
Alt: But doesn't the geology dictate something like what we have now with the Parker truss?
Lamb: No. Many different types of bridges are possible.
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Monday, 29 December 2003 |
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Also coming, but as of this writing unseen by me, are a live-action version of Peter Pan; Ben Affleck’s latest caper Paycheck, Steve Martin’s new comedy Cheaper By The Dozen, from the United Kingdom and Luxembourg Girl With A Pearl Earring based on Tracy Chevalier’s novel, and House Of Sand And Fog, from the novel by Andres Dubus III and starring Ben Kingsley, Jennifer Connelly, Frances Fisher, and Ron Eldard.
I wrote extensively about Elephant in my Toronto Film Festival article. It’s in town and a definite must-see. Director Gus Van Sant’s movie is a visual ode to teenage obsession and tragedy. It may be a fictional work, but those are real high school students you’re looking at, most of whom helped write the dialogue and hold the digital cameras that glide and hover. Watch this non-linear film as if it were a ghost story. The spirits of past and future dead are your guides. The movie jumps back and forth in time. You’re eavesdropping on private lives and personal thoughts. The film is both an interpretation of the shootings at Columbine High School and a stunning commentary on the twisted thoughts and easy solutions of some youth. There are nuggets of truth that sear and moments that make you feel as if you’ve been slammed against a wall.
Another masterful non-linear film is 21 Grams. It’s an American feature from Mexican director Alejandro González Iñárritu (Amores Perros), and it tells the story of very different people. Sean Penn’s an ailing mathematician trapped in a loveless marriage to an Englishwoman (Charlotte Gainsbourg). Naomi Watts, whose performance anoints her as the best actress of 2003, plays a comfortable suburban housewife, happily married and the mother of two little girls. Benicio Del Toro is an ex-convict who has turned to preaching Christianity to find inner strength. These three strangers will come together with difficult consequences due to a tragic accident. All will learn exceedingly uncomfortable truths about courage, guilt, passion, and emotional pain. The gritty movie is about coincidence and the sheer luck of the draw. It is rigidly adult and utterly watchable.
If you need to laugh over the holidays, you’ve got four choices: Stuck On You, Mona Lisa Smile, Something’s Gotta Give, and Calendar Girls. I recommend Calendar Girls and Something’s Gotta Give, but let’s take the rejects first. In Stuck On You, Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear are good and personable actors trapped in a one-joke, one-note comedy about conjoined brothers who head to Hollywood because one of them (Kinnear) wants to be a movie star. Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis did the go-to-Hollywood gig too, but at least with them, the gags were fresh. As for Mona Lisa Smile, think Dead Poets Society with teeth. Julia Roberts provides the dental glow as a free-spirited teacher at Wellesley College in the 1950s. She breaks all the rules, becomes chummy with her girl charges, and practices feminist principles, but there are loose plot threads all over the place and enough sentimentality to choke a Pollyanna. As for revisiting the 50s’ cultural wars, well, nobody ever gave Hollywood credit for depth.
Better, much better, are Something’s Gotta Give and Calendar Girls. The former features Jack Nicholson as a robust, albeit aging, record company executive who likes younger women until he discovers the power and passion of the brilliant Diane Keaton, who can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned. She’s fantastic and delivers lines like a champion. The pairing is solid, and, even if some of the scenes run on too long, the movie’s a sharp-witted pleasure. Calendar Girls is this season’s Waking Ned Devine, an English trifle with sparks and flair and an understanding that sweetness doesn’t have to be sickening. Helen Mirren and Julie Walters lead a cast of colorful characters; many of them women of a certain age who find out that being naked in a calendar has its advantages.
Cold Mountain is based on Charles Frazier’s novel about a Confederate Army deserter who only wants to rejoin the proper, but spunky, woman he loves. He’s Jude Law and she’s Nicole Kidman. Law is outstanding even if his adventures start to feel like Dorothy’s visit to Oz. As for Kidman, she’s too modern to be a Southern belle. Near the end she’s wearing a fashionable black coat and tailored slacks as she hunts down the bad guys. She’s Annie Hall in the foothills, and it takes you out of the movie. Renee Zellweger is terrific as the farmhand who helps Kidman survive her separation from her would-be lover. The movie has stunning early scenes of Civil War battle hell, but as it meanders down the road home, it gets silly. Fortunately, Law and Zellweger keep you alert.
Big Fish and In America are quirky entries in the holiday showcase. Big Fish is enjoyable in that garish circus way that director Tim Burton does so well. There’s also a deep well of emotionalism in the movie that is never forced. The story is about a young man (Billy Crudup) who is hoping to learn some truths about his dying father (Albert Finney) by retracing stories and myths his father told him about himself. Ewan McGregor is the father as a young man. The three actors are top-notch and also enjoy Helena Bonham Carter, Jessica Lange, Alison Lohman, Steve Buscemi, and Robert Guillaume in supporting parts. The movie has Crudup exploring a past that takes him on delightful encounters with odd folks of every stripe.
Speaking of mythology, what’s with the myth of America as the pot of gold? In America follows an Irish family that has come to New York City. Once again, the poor are shunted aside and the newcomer is in for a zany ride to success. The family’s two daughters are the focus of the film, and you’re going to love them or loathe them. I found them annoying, cloying, and best in bed without supper. There’s a dreadful subplot about a black artist with AIDS, serving as the film’s quasi-ogre, which seems to belong in another movie. The manipulative film is frantic, antic, and, finally, sappy beyond belief.
As for the one Christmas blockbuster, that behemoth is The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, and you can read all about it in Short Takes elsewhere in this issue.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 18 May 2007 )
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